first entry; examples (to be updated irregularly, like whenever)

"Mute" point-an idea or witty come back you make silently in your head

"Assistant" Living Facility-an apartment you purchase for your Secretary/Butler/Maid/Nanny

what is a malaprop and why are they my friends?

(MAL-uh-prop-iz-ehm)

noun
1. The humorous misuse of a word by confusing it with a similar-sounding word.
2. An instance of such misuse.

Etymology
After Mrs. Malaprop, a character in Richard Sheridan's play, The Rivals, who confused words this way.

Shakespeare

Malapropisms appear in many works written well before Sheridan created their namesake character; William Shakespeare used them in a number of his plays.
Constable Dogberry in Much Ado About Nothing:

• "Comparisons are odorous." (i.e., odious; Act 3, Scene V)
• "Our watch, sir, have indeed comprehended two auspicious persons." (i.e., apprehended, suspicious; Act 3, Scene V)

Launcelot in The Merchant of Venice:

• "Certainly (Shylock) is the very devil incarnal..." (i.e., incarnate; Act 2, Scene II)
• "That is the very defect of the matter, sir." (i.e., effect; Act 2, Scene II)

Elbow in Measure for Measure

• "two notorious benefactors" (i.e., malefactors; Act 2, Scene I)
• "if she has been a woman cardinally given"; (i.e., carnally; Act 2, Scene I)

Nurse in Romeo and Juliet:

• "If you be he, sir, I desire some confidence with you." Benvolio then responds "She will indite him to some supper." (i.e., conference, invite; Act 2, Scene IV)
• "I will tell her, sir, that you do protest, which, as I take it, is a gentlemanlike offer." (i.e., propose; Act 2, Scene IV)

Nick Bottom in A Midsummer Night's Dream:

• Bottom says he will "aggravate" his voice when he really means he will "moderate" it. (Act 1 Scene II)
• Bottom says "deflowered" when he means "devoured". (Act 5 Scene I)

The First Clown in Hamlet

• "... crowner’s quest ..." (i.e. coroner's inquest; Act 5, Scene I)

Roland Williams in Hamlet

• "... 'Layton's Terms" ..."

b) Malaprops are my friends because they make me smile, giggle, chortle and guffaw even when I'm having a bad day. I get off on thinking them up and when I hear or read one, I can live on it for days. Handy!